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They Won't Kill You
by Michael Ross

Dates November 14th - December 2nd, Tuesday to Saturday at 8pm Tickets: 10 (8 concs.)
Venue: Barons Court Theatre, 28A Comeragh Road, Fulham, London W14 9HR (Map)
Bookings: Barons Court Theatre: 0208 932 4747


Malcolm - Dylan Mc Donough
Tom - Ward Parry
Roy - Pete Picton
Graham - Anthony Mackey
Mum/PM - Kaye Quinley
Tori - Marilyn O'Brien
Barbara - Georgina Carey
Team Leader - Paul Devaney


Directed by Clea Langton
Assistant Director: Kristian Sartori
Written by Michael Ross

Produced by James Limm, Chris Mounsey and Fernando de Souza

Stage Managed by Rachel Goldsmith, Sukhraj Dhillon, Ross Lowe and Karen Spickernell

Lighting and Sound by Richard Hensman and Ross Lowe

Designed by Chris Mounsey and Fernando de Souza

Artwork and Publicity by James Limm

Original Music by Slovo www.slovo.co.uk and Randall www.randallmusic.net

Projections by Sarah Smith

Thanks to David at St. Gabriels, Ron and Chris at Barons Court Theatre, Angels Costumiers.


They Won't Kill You is a hilarious political satire from the imagination of Michael Ross, writer of Edinburgh hit Teacher's Playground.

Photo Gallery >

The show follows the misfortunes of Malcolm, a shy, bookish and quiet twenty-seven year old. He doesn't have many friends, and has never had much luck with the ladies. He's just a nice chap who wants to live his life without unnecessary stress or aggravation.

Unfortunately "Team Britain", under the watchful eye of the strict yet strangely lovable "Team Leader", has decided that Malcolm's particular form of "Lonerism" is a threat to national security.

One day Malcolm comes home to find Tom, an unusually caring government official, who has taken a special interest in Malcolm's lack of social integration. Before he's had a chance to make a nice cup of tea, Malcolm has been whisked off to a "Self Realisation Refuge" to learn the ways of Team Britain.

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CP Theatre Productions is the trading name of Chelsea Players, a registered charity in the United Kingdom, number 1010949.